


No One is Ever Really Gone

by sherlocked1864



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-05 19:00:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13394199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlocked1864/pseuds/sherlocked1864
Summary: The reader was trained alongside  Ben Solo in the art of the Force. When Ben turned over to the dark side Ben believes he has lost the girl forever. However, she won't stop fighting for him fighting to make sure he comes back to the light.SPOILER FOR THE LAST JEDI AND FORCE AWAKENS





	1. Dear Agony

 

It had been a long day of training, Master Skywalker had worked his pupils hard and they had all laid down for the night. Y/N was almost asleep when she heard a loud crash followed by screaming. Bolting upwards she looked around to see that all of her other padawans were missing. While she shared a room with four other girls, her thoughts went to one person and one person only.  
“Ben,” Y/N called out as she took off running. As she exited her hut she found the horror of what had happened. Fires were burning and the temple was destroyed, she could see the bodies of her fallen padawans scattered everywhere. “Ben” She called again when suddenly she noticed that Ben’s hut was crumbled. “No!” Y/N sprinted towards the ruins. “Ben!”  
“It had to be Snoke!” That was the only thing Y/N could think of as what could have happened.  
As she began to pull stones away she kept calling out for Ben. She could still hear screaming slowly fading as she dug, she prayed she would find Ben alive. What she found, however, made her scream in fear as she backed away. Under the rubble, she found Master Skywalker, unconscious, perhaps even dead.  
“Y/N” She heard a voice call and she quickly recognized it as Ben’s.  
She felt ungodly conflicted her heart wanted to go find Ben but her head told her to stay with Master Skywalker.  
“Y/N” She heard Ben call again.  
“That’s it, leave Luke, go find Ben Solo.” Y/N heard a voice in her head say.  
“No, get out of my head!” She screamed as she recognized the voice of Snoke.  
Suddenly Y/n was thrown backward caught by something.  
“Let me go!” She started to scream.  
“Y/N,” The person holding her said as he turned her around to find Ben was the one who grabbed her.  
“Ben!” She exclaimed as she hugged him. “I thought…” She started when suddenly she saw everything, she saw what had happened, who had destroyed the temple and killed all of her friends. “No,” She cried as she pushed Ben away.  
“You, you did this!” She cried tears welling up in her eyes.  
“No Y/N you don’t understand.”  
“And Master Skywalker…”  
“Luke tried to…”  
“He’s your uncle, Ben!” Y/N screamed.  
“He tried to kill me!” Ben screamed forcefully causing the rock behind Y/N to split in half.  
“What do you mean he tried to kill you.”  
“Luke Skywalker is a liar!” Snokes voice rang out again.  
Y/N saw Ben wince and quickly put her hands on his face making him look her in the eyes.  
“Snoke made you od this, didn’t he. Ben, you can’t listen to him, you can’t go over to the dark, you have to stay with me”  
Suddenly a singeing pain began in Y/N’s head. She let out a loud scream as she collapsed into Ben’s arms.  
“Y/N!” Ben screamed. “Master stop this!”  
The pain stopped and when Y/N opened her eyes she found she was no longer at the training camp instead she was in a large dark room and the only three people there were her, Ben and Snoke.  
“You said you wanted her to join us. You said she could be spared.” Ben argued as he looked at Snoke.  
“That was until I realized you were in love with her!” Snoke screamed.  
Suddenly Y/N felt like she was being choked as she was lifted off the ground.  
“Ben!” She tried to choke out as she could feel the force around her neck tightening.  
“Stop!” Ben screamed as he held his hand out trying to throw Snoke back but instead Snoke threw him back and Y/N came crashing to the floor.  
“Kill her!” Snoke screamed angrily as he brought Y/N to her feet.  
No,” Ben said getting up.  
“She is the only thing standing in your way from becoming your true self.”  
“Ben, don’t listen to him.” Y/N cried.  
“Ben Solo can be no more, you must destroy any part of your previous life, and in order to do that you must kill her.”  
“I won’t!” Ben snapped.  
“Kill her!”  
“No!” Ben screamed his face turning red.  
“Fight him, Ben.” Y/N screamed only to be crushed down into the floor by Snokes power.  
“Don’t!” Ben pleaded his voice cracking.  
“Fulfill your destiny and kill her.”  
“No!” Ben screamed with such force. Suddenly there was a loud crack again and then Ben and Y/N were no longer in the room but back at the temple. The crack had come from the rocks that were behind Y/N. Ben had shattered the boulder with the force and it came crumbling down right on top of Y/N.  
“No!” Ben called as he reached his hand out and tried to stop this stones, but it was too late. “Y/N” Ben screamed, he was about to move the rocks when suddenly the voice of Snoke rang through his mind.  
“Well done.” Snoke laughed.  
“No, I didn’t she…” Ben’s voice cracked. “Y/N”  
“She was a distraction, now that she is gone, we can truly begin your real training.  
“I…” Ben started again.  
“Stop your sniveling, go grab the others you left alive and come to me.” Then the voice left leaving young Ben Solo alone with his own thoughts and his guilt. Quickly he moved the rocked finding Y/N lying unconscious. She looked almost peaceful even in death.  
“Y/N I’m sorry.” Ben cried before he wiped his tears away and his sadness was quickly replaced with rage.  
He stormed off and forgot about the girl, and forgot about Ben Solo if only to spare himself from grief.  
But what the young man didn’t know was that he had not killed the girl he loved. For 6 years she lay unconscious, waiting only waiting until Ben Solo was ready until he had reached a point where he was open to change. When Snoke had pushed him too far.  
That fate night came on the bridge when son faced father. The moment that was supposed to kill Ben Solo forever and leave only Kylo remaining. However as the lightsaber blade pierced Han Solo’s heart, Ben felt more conflicted than ever. As his father looked him in the eyes with such a look of love, Ben could feel himself holding back the tears. As his father fell into the abyss, his only thought were for the girl he had killed so many years ago.  
At the same time far away on the planet of D’Quar, General Leia Organa felt the loss of her husband and the pain that was brewing in her son trying to escape. Her thoughts then drifted to the girl who lay unconscious a few rooms away.  
“Ben!” Y/N exclaimed as she sat up feeling Ben’s energy and his internal cry for help.


	2. Paralyzed

Y/N sat looking around the room completely and utterly confused. The last thing she remembered was being with Master Skywalker and Ben. She gasped when she remembered what Ben had done and what had happened with Snoke. But after that everything was a blank except for the scene she had just witnessed in her head. She had seen Ben kill his father.  
Suddenly she looked down and noticed she was strapped into wires everywhere. Panicked she began to pull them off throwing her legs over the side of the bed. However, when Y/N went to stand she found her legs didn’t want to hold her weight and she fell face first onto the ground.  
“Y/N!” Y/N heard a voice exclaim. Y/N looked up to see a young girl with her hair in two blonde buns staring at her with such shock.  
Y/N sighed as she placed her head on her hand as she looked up at the girl. “Are you going to help me up or am I just going to keep staring at the floor?”  
The girl quickly rushed to Y/N’s side helping her to her feet.  
“Alright, now that I have regained an upright position, tell me, what the hell is going on.”  
The girl, who introduced herself as Lieutenant Connix explained almost everything about what had happened. She said after Kylo Ren, the name in which Ben was now going by, had left Y/N at the temple thinking she was dead. Luke Skywalker who had not been killed found her and then sent a message to his sister General Organa who came and rescued the young girl. Luke then disappeared. And for 6 years Y/N had laid unconscious.  
“6 years!” Y/N exclaimed. “I’ve been asleep for that long! And Ben…”  
“General Organa doesn’t talk about him much.”  
Suddenly Y/N remembered what she had seen.  
“Ben’s mom, I need to speak with her.” Y/N panicked as she started to move forward, but again stumbled.  
“Well, first let’s get you changed ok,” Connix said.  
Y/N looked down and saw that she was wearing just a small gown.  
“Yes let’s do that.” Y/N nodded.  
Y/N changed into dark green cargo pants and a large grey cloak and a black tank top underneath. The resistance uniform.  
Y/N still had trouble walking so she leaned onto Lieutenant Connix as they both walked into the control room. People were buzzing around but when Y/N walked in everyone went silent.  
The women Y/N had not seen for a decade turned to look at the young girl she considered family.  
“Y/N,” Leia said as she stood up.  
At that moment all the strength Y/N lacked returned to her as she ran forward into Leia’s embrace.  
Leia and Han had taken Y/N and her brother under wings after Y/N’s brother had joined the fleet. That’s how she and Ben had met.  
He had been home from training when they met, from the instant he laid eyes on her he felt a connection between them. He could feel how strong the Force was inside of her. Ben had been the one to suggest that she come train with him and Luke.  
“Leia, Ben, he… he killed…” Y/N cried.  
“I know, I felt it,” Leia said her voice cracking. She was the strongest women in the universe, she had lost so much but her light never faltered.  
“It was Snoke, it had to be…” Y/N sobbed refusing to believe that Ben was beyond saving.  
“You have been through much. And I hate to burden you with more, but we need to be getting on a transport.” Leia said.  
“Why, what’s going on?” Y/N asked.  
“The first order knows where we are, they are heading our way,” Connix said.  
Suddenly Y/N felt a sharp pain slice across her chest and face. She turned around and suddenly she was no longer at the rebel base, but on a snow covered planet staring at the boy she once knew who now was almost unrecognizable.  
He stood on one side staring into the distance at a girl who was on the other side of a large chasm.  
“Ben!” Y/N called but no sound came out. She watched as Ben stood up angrily and started walking towards Y/N. She began to run towards him but quickly stopped when she saw the burn mark freshly made on his face. “Oh Ben,” She sighed as she reached out to grab his shoulder, shocked when she actually felt him. Ben turned to look at what had touched him lightsaber drawn. For a moment he thought he felt an energy he hadn’t felt for six years. He shook it off letting the pain of not only his injuries but also the pain of the knowledge that he had now killed two people in his life that he loved. He collapsed to his knees the blood from his many wounds falling onto the white snow.  
For the first time in years, he let himself properly cry. Only for a moment though, then he stood up, wiped his eyes, he looked back in the direction of Y/N looking through her. Then he vanished.  
Y/N stumbled backward being caught by Leia.  
“Y/N! What is it, what did you see.” Leia said as she steadied her.  
“Ben, he’s hurt he…” Y/N started.  
“General, we are on our way back.” A voice came over the speaker.  
Y/N froze as she heard that voice, one she hadn’t heard in what seemed like forever.  
“Lieutenant Connix please escort her back to the medical wing.” Leia interrupted.  
“But that’s…” Y/N started again when Connix grabbed her and started to escort her out of the room.  
“What is going on? Why won’t she let me talk to him.” Y/N demanded.  
“Just hush, I’ll tell you in a minute just wait until we get back to the med bay.”  
“And what about Ben…” Y/N continued when suddenly Connix stopped and turned to her.  
“Ok, so I don’t mind your calling Kylo by his real name, and I know Leia doesn’t mind either, but when you are around the other resistance officers you need to not sound so sympathetic towards him.”  
“I know he has done terrible things, but Ben is still…”  
“400, Kylo Ren has personally killed at least 400 people and tortured countless others, including your brother.” Connix stopped her.  
Y/N clenched her teeth fighting back the tears. “400,” She breathed trying to imagine how the sweet young Ben Solo she once knew was capable of something like that.  
“I understand you care for him and clearly you two have some sort of connection that allows you to see him. But you don’t want people around here to believe that you are a First Order sympathizer.”  
Y/N just nodded as they continued to make their way to the med bay.  
“Now, about your brother.” Connix started as Y/N sat down. “He thinks you died that day at the temple.”  
“What!” Y/N’s head snapped up looking at Connix.  
“General Leia knew that if your brother were to ever get captured, which he did, and Kylo read his mind, Snoke would find out and kill you instantly. So she made him believe you died. In fact, everyone on this base thought you died. I am the only one who General Leia trusted to watch over you.”  
Y/N opened her mouth as if to protest, but she quickly shut it again knowing that Leia had been right.  
Just then Leia walked into the med bay.  
“General.” Lieutenant Connix said saluting her.  
“Thank you Kaydel. You have done a wonderful job protecting Y/N. You are free to go back to your communications post.”  
“Ma’am if I may speak.” Leia nodded. “Y/N is still in danger and as her designated protector. I feel obligated to stay with her until she is out of any chance of harm.”  
Leia smiled as she nodded before she turned to look at Y/N.  
“I take it Lieutenant Connix informed you of the situation.” Y/N nodded. “Good, and until we figure out what we are going to do now that you are awake we need to keep allowing your brother to believe that you are dead,” Leia said.  
“How are we going to do that when we are having to evacuate this planet?” Suddenly Y/N got an idea. “No, we can tell my brother.”  
“I understand that you want to see him, but it’s better that he doesn’t know if my son were to find out you were alive…” Leia started.  
“Ben needs to know I’m alive.”  
“What!” Connix gasped.  
“Listen, you said it, Ben and I have a connection we have since we first met. I can feel him and sometimes I can see him, and I can feel him and sometimes I can see him, and I can see how conflicted he is. Snoke pushed him too far. He can be saved Leia, I can bring him back.”  
“Y/N, it’s not that simple, we have tried reaching out to him, and look where that got us.” She sighed. “I thought Han could be the one to save Ben…” Her voice cracked again.  
Y/N sighed, she knew she shouldn’t be pushing the issue. Han had just been killed not but 20 minutes earlier. But she couldn’t give up on Ben. She could feel his pain and his confliction. She could feel his emotions being torn in two, but the more Snoke tried to bring him to the dark side fully the more he pushed him to the light.  
“Leia, I can’t imagine what you are going through right now, but please, I can do this, I can bring Ben back.”  
Leia sighed as she looked down. Her heart couldn’t handle another loss. Especially not one that would seal her son’s fate. But she also knew that she couldn’t give up hope. Hope was all she had.  
“Leia looked up at Y/N and just nodded, sending Y/N out of the room a plan forming in her head.  
“No, she can’t!” Connix screamed as she ran after Y/N. “How are you planning on getting to Kylo? You’ve been unconscious for 6 years, do you even remember how to fly.”  
“You know who my brother is, you think I don’t know how to fly.”  
Connix suddenly froze looking behind Y/N.  
“What?” Y/N started as she turned around to see her brother standing there helmet in hand staring at her shocked.  
“Y/N?” Poe Dameron gasped.


	3. Control

The two Dameron siblings stared at each other both as if they were looking at a ghost.

Y/N had not seen her brother since she left to train with Luke, at least 10 years. He looked different. His boyish face was still there, but his eyes had aged. They had seen things. Death, destruction, pain. Y/N knew that seeing her would open up wounds within Poe that he would have desperately tried to mend. She knew that his guilt would be so strong it was a wonder he made it through the day. He blamed himself for their parent’s death, though he could have done nothing to prevent it. And as Poe stared at his sister who he believed had died, who he believed that son of a bitch Kylo Ren had killed all he could think of was the last thing to two men had said to one another.

A promise, the thing Poe had ever said to Ben Solo was a promise. Poe didn’t like the idea of sending his little sister onto a distant planet to train in some mystic magic mumbo jumbo that could possibly take over his young impressionable sister and turn her into a monster. Ben had been the one to convince him.

“For the last time Poe, she will be safer if she learns how to control the Force.” Ben sighed grabbing a bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

Poe growled annoyed that this child always insisted on talking down to him. Child may not have been the right term as Ben was 19 years old, only 3 years younger than Poe, but in his head it made Poe feel better.

“I still don’t understand how you know she has these powers, she has never shown…” 

“I sensed it when I first saw her. There is some sort of connection between us.”

Poe cringed as he rubbed his eyes, “No, see that, what you just said, I don’t like that.”

Ben laughed slightly his laugh turning into a smile as Y/N strode into the room.

“Ben what’s taking so long, the freighter’s fueled and ready.” Y/N said.

Poe looked up to see Ben’s eyes locked on Y/N.

“I was just convincing your brother that you would be safe,” Ben said looking down at the girl.

While both Ben and Y/N were the same age, being born on the same day, in fact, Ben towered over her. And since Y/N was an inch or two taller than her brother, Po felt like a youngling standing next to Ben.

“Poe everything is going to be fine, I promise.” Y/N said kissing her brother’s cheek.

“Just give us a minute ok, Y/N” Poe smiled.

“Ok, but not too long, Master Skywalker is waiting for us.” Y/N smiled as she ran off, Ben’s eyes following her as she left.

Poe started at him, his angry facade softening. He didn’t hate Ben, in fact, he actually really liked the kid, it was just Y/N was all he had left if he lost her he didn’t know what he would do.

“Listen, Solo, I know you care about my sister.”

Ben’s head snapped to look at Poe, but the minute he made eyes contact with Poe, Ben looked down at his feet.

“No I… No I don’t…” Ben stuttered.

Poe chuckled slightly.

“I just need you to make me a promise.” He started grabbing Ben’s attention. “I need you to promise that you are going to protect Y/N. I need you to promise that you are going to do everything in your power to protect her. I need you to promise me that I’m going to see my little sister again.” Poe held his hand out to Ben.

Ben looked Poe in the eyes once again as he grabbed his hand.

“I swear to you on my life, nothing will happen to your sister. I will keep her safe.” Ben swore, and he had never meant something more in his whole life.

After Ben believed he had killed Y/N he pushed that promise to the back of his mind. That was until that fateful day on Jakku when Kylo Ren stood face to face with Poe Dameron once more.

“So who talks first, you talk first, I talk first?” Poe joked biting back what he actually wanted to say, no scream, at the son of the bitch. He wanted to personally kill Kylo Ren, make his death slow and painful. Poe wanted to make Kylo feel all the pain he had felt for the last 6 years.

He continued to hold in what he truly wanted to say until he faced Kylo again, this time on the Finalizer.

The torture tactics of the other officers of the First Order had no effect. Poe wasn’t giving up where the map was.

“Sir, we’ve tried anything, he doesn’t budge. None of our methods have worked.” Captain Phasma said.

General Hux sighed annoyed. He knew who they needed but he hated the fact that they needed him.

“Bring me Kylo Ren,” General Hux growled.

“You know, if you would have just let me do it my way, we would have already had the information we needed.” Kylo snapped as he burst into the room.

Hux rolled his eyes as he turned to face the masked Kylo.

“The prisoner awaits,” Hux said through gritted teeth.

Kylo smirked under his mask as he turned to leave the room. He loved getting under Hux’s skin.

However as soon as he left the room, his smugness left as a feeling of dread washed over him. Ever since they had captured Poe, Kylo hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Y/N.

For a moment he stopped walking, closed his eyes, and pushed her memory back down. A trick he had learned, it was the only way he could will himself to get up in the morning. His rage replaced his pain as he strode into Poe’s cell.

Poe lay eyes closed and the minute Kylo saw him the guilt hit him again.

“I had no idea we had the best pilot in the Resistance on board.” Kylo started as the door shut behind him.

Poe opened his eyes and angrily glared at the man he once trusted. There would be no holding back this time.

“Comfortable?” Kylo asked avoiding eye contact with Po.

“Don’t you dare act like you don’t know me you mother fucker!”

Kylo was taken aback for a moment, finally looking Poe in the eye. He could see the pain in his eyes, a deep set pain that Kylo knew he was the cause of. The worst part was not the pain, but the resemblance between Poe and Y/N was what hurt him the most.

He remembered how her eyes used to light up whenever they trained together. He remembered how her smile could make him feel instantly better no matter how much Snoke’s voice had been berating him. He remembered how she never gave up on him, not for one second. And he remembered how he failed her.

Fighting back tears Kylo continued to speak. “No one has been able to get out of you what you did with the map.”

“You promised!” Poe screamed. “You promised you would keep her safe.” His voice cracked as tears streamed down his face as all the pain of the past six years he tried to suppress came to the surface. “I trusted you! She trusted you, how could you! And then you just left her body there, you didn’t even have the decency to live up to your mistake. I thought you cared about her!”

A tear fell down Kylo’s face as he reached out his hand at Poe inflicting as much pain as he could muster.

“Where is it?” Kylo asked his voice cracking.

Kylo could see Poe’s face contorted with pain but he clenched his jaw not allowing Kylo to get the satisfaction of a scream.

Kylo stopped for a moment allowing Poe the chance to catch his breath.

“You are a monster!” Poe said weakly. “She was all I had left, and you knew that!”

More tears fell as Kylo reached out his hand again.

“Where is it!” He screamed this time filling Poe’s mind with Kylo’s memory of that night. Y/N getting choked, her getting thrown, crushed into the floor. But instead of showing Poe how Y/N truly died, Kylo pulled a scene from one of his recurring nightmares. Y/N was standing in front of Kylo, she placed her hand on his face and Kylo ran his lightsaber through her chest.

This caused Poe to scream out in agony.

Kylo continued to run these images in Poe’s head along with inflicting pain until Poe finally broke, telling Kylo where the map was.

“It’s in a droid. A BB unit.” Kylo said as he stormed out of the room running face to face with Hux.

“Well then, if it’s on Jakku, we’ll soon have it,” Hux said.

“I leave that to you,” Kylo said as he hurried his way back to his room. As soon as he entered the room he quickly threw off his mask hurling it across the room.

He then brought his saber out ready to tear something to shreds. But as the saber lit, Kylo caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

Tears were streaming down his face, and for the first time in 6 years he didn’t see Kylo Ren looking back at him, he saw a monster.

The weight of everything he had done hit him at once and he collapsed to his knees.

Turning off his lightsaber Kylo threw it across the room as he let out a loud angry scream.

Back on D’Quar Poe Dameron stared at his sister, so many thoughts running through his mind. However, he could only think of one word to say.

“No,” Poe said as he turned to walk away.


	4. Skin

**Song for this chapter: Skin by Rag 'N' Bone Man**

* * *

 

“Poe!” Y/N called as she chased after him.  
“No!” Poe just kept saying unable to believe that the girl was his sister.  
“Poe, please.” Y/N begged attempting to stop her brother.  
“This isn’t happening.” Poe said as he started to head towards his x-wing.  
“Stop!” Y/N screamed as she held out her hand and Poe suddenly came to a halt, no longer able to move.  
Y/n eyes went wide as she quickly dropped her hand and Poe slowly turned around.  
“Poe,” Y/N started to apologize when Poe suddenly started sprinting at her dropping his helmet as he enveloped her in a giant hug.  
“I thought,” Poe said his voice cracking.  
“Hey its okay.” Y/N soothed.  
“But Leia she said…” Poe started when suddenly he pushed Y/N back looking at Leia and Connix who were standing in the doorway.  
“Y/N, Poe, can I speak to you in my office.” Leia said.  
“6 years!” Poe screamed kicking a chair over. “You let me believe for six fuckign years that my sister was dead.”  
“Language Commander Dameron.” Leia sighed as Y/N sat squeezing her hands in between her thighs as she looked at the floor.  
“Were you ever going to tell me!” Poe screamed tears in his eyes as he looked at the one person in the world he thought would never lie to him. “If she hadn’t woken up, would you have told me.”  
“Commander Dameron, General Organa had a very good reason for not telling you.” Connix started.  
“I don’t even want to start with you, Kaydel.” Poe growled looking at the girl who for the last two years had slept in the same bed as him.  
Y/N’s head snapped up looking between her brother and Connix realizing that the two of them were a thing.  
“You told me that Y/N had been killed, you said that your son had killed her. And then when I was on their ship, Kylo showed me what happened. I saw him run her through with his lightsaber.” Poe stated turning towards Y/N.  
“What?” She said as she stood up. “What do you mean?”  
“When that fu…” Poe started but he saw Leia raise an eyebrow at him.” “When Kylo was torturing me to tell him where the map to Luke Skywalker was, he kept showing me him hurting you and then killing you.”  
“Ben never hurt me, and what happened with the rocks was an accident. Everything that has happened is because of Snoke.” Y/N said.  
“Why are you defending him?” Poe asked seriously gripping his helmet tighter.  
Suddenly one of the Resistance officers burst into the room.  
“General Leia, the droid, the R2 unit, it’s operational again.” He said.  
Quickly everyone started to head out into the main room. Y/N stood next to her brother and R2-D2 projected a map with a missing piece into the air.  
Suddenly BB-8 started to beep intensely and somehow Poe understood what the droid meant.  
“Yeah, all right buddy, hold on.” Poe said as he ran and got the map, putting it into BB-8 who projecting it, connecting it with R2-D2’s piece.  
“Luke,” Leia gasped and everyone around Y/N began cheering.  
Y/N however could only hear Ben’s voice in her head.  
“He tried to kill me!” He screamed and once again Y/N found herself no longer at the Resistance base but instead on another First Order ship.  
Kylo lay on a bed, medical droids working to fix him up. General Hux stood in the corner of the room annoyed.  
How he wished the girl had finished off the arrogant fool. Kylo had done nothing to help the First Order, no matter how much Snoke insisted that he was going to be a new Vader.  
“He should be fine sir.” the droids said as they started to clear out of the room.  
“Wonderful,” Hux said begrudgingly.  
As the room cleared out, it left only Y/N, Hux and Kylo who still lay unconscious on the table.  
“You failed once again, Ren.” Hux said a smug smile on his face as he stormed out of the room.  
“Ben,” Y/N tried to say but once again she couldn’t make a sound.  
Sighing she knelt next to his bed moving one of his curls away from his face  
Suddenly Ben’s eyes snapped open grabbing Y/N’s arm.  
“How are you here.” He asked his brown eyes glistening with tears.  
Y/N opened her mouth but quickly shut it knowing he couldn’t hear her anyway.  
“I see,” Ben said sitting up wincing as the pain of his side hit him. “I’m dreaming.”  
Y/N wished that Ben would open up his mind to her. He was so closed off. When they had first started to train, they had figured out how to connect their thoughts, so that when they weren’t near each other they could still talk.  
“So which nightmare is it today, the one where I kill you or the one where you call me a monster, because I would rather have the latter.” Ben said trying to act tough but then his back hunched forward and his shoulder began to shake as he softly cried.  
Y/N could feel the pain surging through him. The 29-year-old man looked as broken as a child. His world was crumbling down around him.  
Quickly Y/N went and kneeled in front of him placing her hands on his face.  
“No,” Ben snapped getting off the bed.  
Y/N tried to think of a way to comfort him, but without being able to speak it was a little difficult.  
She walked over to him so she was facing him. Then she grabbed his hand and placed it on her cheek holding on his hand with both of hers.  
“I killed him Y/N” Ben said his voice cracking as he looked at her. He noticed that she looked different. She had longer hair, and she looked older. Her brown eyes locked with his and he noticed an almost pleading look in them.  
More tears fell as Ben leaned his forehead onto hers.  
“This may be the cruelest nightmare of all.” He cried wishing, praying, that somehow this could be real, that she could actually be alive.  
His grief was becoming too strong and he could feel it. If he didn’t do something soon he knew it would consume him.  
Ben turned away wiping his face, letting the grief be replaced by rage once again, the only coping skill he knew.  
“Why are you here?” Ben said fading away and letting Kylo take over as he grabbed his lightsaber.  
“Ben what are you doing?” Y/N mouthed.  
“Get out of my head!” Kylo screamed as he lit his lightsaber.  
“Ben don’t!” Y/N screamed as she closed her eyes. Kylo then sliced his saber through her middle.  
Y/N opened her eyes and found herself standing next to her brother once again.  
“Ben!” Y/N gasped as she stumbled backwards holding her stomach.  
“Y/N,” Poe said eyes wide as he looked at his sister. “What’s wrong?”  
“When do we fly out?” Y/N asked.  
“What?” Poe asked.  
“When do we evacuate, how long do we have.” Y/N asked as she started to walk out.  
“We leave tomorrow unless those bastards sneak attack us. Leia wants to see Rey off. We just talked about his, where were you?” Poe joked but Y/N wasn’t smiling.  
“The Finalizer.” Y/N stated.  
“The Fina… what! Where are you going?”  
“I need a ship.” She said. “Can I take yours?”  
“Y/N,” Poe called. “Y/N, Stop!” He said grabbing her arm and pulling her into a side room. “Will you sit still for one second. Now tell me what is going on.”  
Y/N sighed as she shut the door.  
“I’m going to see Ben,” She said facing the door.  
“You’re what!” Poe screamed.  
“Poe, don’t get mad.” Y/N said turning back towards Poe.  
“Oh, no, this is the perfect situation to stay calm!”  
“Poe.”  
“Don’t, Poe me, why the fuck would you want to go to him. Do you know what he has done.”  
“Snoke made him…” Y/N started.  
“Don’t start with that Snoke made him do it bullshit!” Poe screamed. “I didn’t see Snoke holding Kylo’s lightsaber when he killed all of those people, or when he killed Han. He was like a father to us Y/N how can you…”  
“Poe, listen to me,” Y/N started.  
“No!” Poe screamed as he chucked his helmet across the room.  
Y/N quickly brought her hand up stopping the helmet in mid air. Slowly she brought it down setting it on the floor.  
Poe ran to her taking her face in his hands.  
“Listen, Y/N, I know you cared about him, but he is not Ben Solo anymore. Ben Solo is dead. That monster killed him. Just like he is going to kill you, if you get anywhere near him.”  
“Ben is still in there I can feel it. I can’t give up on him.”  
“Why are you so stubborn!” Poe screamed.  
“Because I’m your sister!” Y/N screamed back.  
Poe paused for a second before dropping his hands again.  
“No, you aren’t going, that’s final.” Poe said as he started to storm out of the room.  
“Don’t!” Y/N yelled as she held out her hand and threw Poe backwards into a chair.  
“Stop doing that!” Poe yelled.  
“Then stop trying to walk away from me and listen.”  
“Y/N no matter what you say, I’m never going to let you go fly off just to get yourself killed.”  
“I love him Poe.”  
Poe Dameron started at his sister. He sighed knowing that there was no way to stop her. She had made up her mind.  
“I can’t lose you again Y/N” Poe said standing up.  
Y/N looked at her brother. She knew he was in pain, and shock and still trying to process everything. Y/N knew she wasn’t helping.  
“Poe,” She said as she walked towards him. “I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine what you have been through, and I can only imagine how confused you are. But the Resistance isn’t going to stand a chance if we lose Ben to the dark side fully. He’s fading and if I don’t go after him he’ll be gone.  
“What about Snoke. He wants you dead, right, so how long do you think you will be on that ship before he kills you.”  
“I’ll figure something out. Poe please, I have to do this.”  
Poe groaned tears in his eyes as he smirked.  
“Well you are not taking my X-Wing, you won’t make it anywhere close to the Finalizer without being blown outta space.” Poe said causing Y/N to pull him into an embrace. “Just promise… god that last time I made this promise I lost you.”  
“Then don’t make me promise, we will see eachother again, I know it.” Y/N said tears in her eyes as well.  
“I just have one thing, make me one small promise and then I will let you go.”  
Y/N let go of her brother and looked at his now tear stained face.  
“Promise me that when you bring Ben back, I can punch him in his stupid face.” Poe said causing Y/N to laugh.  
“I think that’s more than fair.” She laughed as Poe pulled her in for another long hug.  
The two built the plan, how she would get in, and how she would find her way to Ben.  
When it was finally time to evacuate, the plan was well set. Poe would be heading off with his fleet to take down a Dreadnought, while Y/N would board the transport ship and then leave through an escape pod.  
“You no the odds of this actually working…” Poe started but Y/N quickly put her hand in front of his mouth.  
“Never tell me the odds.” Y/N smiled as she pulled her brother in for a hug.  
“I still have a bad feeling about this.” Poe teased.  
“Oh you hush up.” Y/N laughed shoving him before she took a moment to really look at him. “You know something.” She said ruffling his hair. “Mom would be so proud of the man you’ve become.”  
Poe could feel his eyes fill with tears again. Quickly he pulled Y/N in for another hug.  
“Ok, we have to go or we are never going to leave.” Y/N said wiping her eyes.  
She quickly turned and started to walk away not able to say anything else.  
“Hey Y/N!” Poe yelled and Y/N turned around. “May the Force be with you.” He called causing Y/N to smile as she turned away and walked to the transport.


	5. Way Down We Go

**Song For this Chapter: Way Down We Go by Kaelo**

* * *

 

“We need to launch our strike as soon as possible.” Hux started. “The Resistance knows we are coming.” 

“No, we need to go after the girl, she will lead us to Luke…” Kylo started. 

“Luke Skywalker is not our main target! He’s yours!” 

Kylo bawled his hand into a fist just glaring at Hux, trying his hardest no to kill him on the spot. 

“Our focus needs to be snuffing out the Resistance. Not chasing after a girl who bested you.” 

“She did not best me.” Kylo said through gritted teeth. 

“Take a look at yourself Ren.” Hux said smugly. “She has beaten you, a lowly scavenger from Jakku has bested the great Kylo Ren!” Hux laughed but he quickly was cut off as he flew across the room all the way to Kylo who wrapped his hand around his neck lifting him off the ground. 

Kylo didn’t even say anything as he just continued to choke Hux. 

The bridge of the Finalizer was silent as Hux struggled against Kylo’s grip. Not only did the Force give him an upper hand but Kylo was much stronger than Hux physically. 

“I’m… I’m sorry.” Hux choked out causing Kylo to drop him. 

“Start the attack, get right outside the atmosphere of D'Qar, if they try to run send the dreadnought after them, they won’t get far.” Kylo said as he stormed out of the room smiling as storm troopers moved out of the way when they saw him coming. 

Kylo enjoyed being feared, it gave him his space, people didn’t bother him. 

“Don’t get cocky Kylo, you have disappointed me.” Snoke snarled in his head.

Kylo’s smile fell. 

“And stop thinking about her!” Snoke screamed so loud Kylo stumbled a little as he walked. 

He clenched his teeth as he rolled his eyes making his way towards his room. It was the one place where he felt like he didn’t have to pretend, it was the place he felt safe. 

“Son,” He heard a voice say in his head but this time it wasn’t Snoke. 

Kylo took off his helmet setting it on the bed. “I forgive you.” The voice said again. 

Kylo shook his head, he recognized the voice but he couldn’t believe who it was. 

Quickly he threw his cape onto the bed sitting cross legged on the ground closing his eyes and clearing his mind. 

Taking a deep breath he slowly began to envision a shield building around him. He had been teaching himself how to shield his thoughts from Snoke’s view. 

“Ben,” The voice said again but Ben tried to ignore it. “Benjamin Owen Solo!” The voice screamed causing Ben’s eyes to snap open and he found himself back on the bridge. However this time there was no sound, Rey and Finn weren’t standing on the balcony and time seemed almost non existent. 

But the only thing Ben Solo could focus on was the man walking towards him. 

“What are you doing Ben?” Han Solo said approaching his son. 

Ben looked around eyes wide. “How is this happening, what is going on.” 

“Ben,” Han sighed as he continued to walk towards him. 

“No,” Ben said scrambling to his feet. “How are you here?” 

Han chuckled. “You were always like this when you were younger. You have to have answers.” 

Ben started as his father, thinking, trying to think of any logical way he could be seeing him. He wasn’t dreaming he knew that 

“Stop overthinking and just listen.” Han said grabbing his son by the shoulder. 

Ben’s breath hitched as he felt his father’s touch. Looking at the hand on his shoulder he was brought back to when he was little. 

“Dad please,” young Ben solo who was no more than 7 at the time pleaded. “You promised. 

“Did I promise, because I don’t seem to recall…” Han teased. 

“You did, you said as soon as you came back from your trip you would let me see inside the Falcon.” The  young curly black haired boy whined 

“Hmmm, I don’t know if you’re old enough son,” Han said trying to be serious.

“Stop teasing him Han.” Leia smiled. 

The young child looked at his father his brown eyes wide. 

“Alright,” Han said causing the young boy’s face to light up. 

“Woah!” Young Ben said as he first entered the Millennium Falcon. 

Han smiled at his son’s amazement. The young boy ran around looking at everything taking in all the sights. He dreamed of one day being able to fly the beautiful “hunk of junk” as his mother liked to call it. Ben would never tell his mother, but when he grew up he wanted to be a smuggler like his dad. 

Suddenly Ben ran into a giant wall of fur, looking up he found his father’s best friend. 

“Chewie!” Ben squealed as the wookie picked him up. 

The boy laughed as Chewbacca swung him around. 

“Alright Fuzzball, don’t break the kid, we still haven’t even gotten to the best part yet.” Han smiled as they entered the cockpit. 

The young boy gasped as he hopped into the pilots seat. 

“When can I fly it dad,” Ben asked grabbing the flight controls. 

“When your feet can actually touch the ground when you sit in the chair.” 

“But mom’s feet don’t touch the floor and you’ve let her fly it.” 

Han burst out laughing. “Don’t you ever tell your mother I laughed at that.” He said as he placed his hand on his son’s shoulder. 

Ben’s memory faded and he found himself back on the bridge, his father stared at him sadly. 

Tears flooded into Ben’ eyes. 

“I’m sorry dad,” He broke falling to his knees “I just… I didn’t…” 

“Hey Ben…” Han said kneeling down next to him. “I forgive you. I know there is a conflict in you. I know that Snoke made you believe that you are alone and made you believe that the only potential you had was to live up to your grandfather’s legacy. But the one thing he didn’t tell you was your grandfather’s legacy was not all death and destruction. He had love, he had friends, and in the end, he didn’t die the villain, he died the hero.” 

“What do you mean!” Ben asked when suddenly he found himself standing in a field. 

A young man stood riding an animal while a beautiful young women stood watching him, laughing. 

Suddenly the young man was knocked off the animal and thrown to the ground almost being trampled. After the animal left, the young man layon the ground unmoving. 

Ben took a step forward but stopped when he heard the women yell. 

“Ani?” She called and suddenly Ben figured out what he was seeing. “Anakin?” She called again as she reached him turning him over to find him laughing. 

They began to roll in the grass before finally embracing one another in a kiss. 

The scene quickly changed and Ben found himself standing next to a transport ship with two men talking to each other on a flight of stairs. 

“Hold on, this whole operation was your idea,” The longer haired one, who Ben now recognized as his grandfather Anakin Skywalker said. 

“Let us not forget Anakin, that you rescued me from the bus droids, and you killed Count Dooku and you rescued the Chancellor carrying me unconscious on your back.” The other man stated a smile on his face. 

“All because of your training.” Anakin said and then Ben knew who the other man was. Obi-Wan Kenobi. Ben stared at him tilting his head to the side as he looked at him. He didn’t look like the monster Snoke described him to be. 

“Anakin, let’s be fair, today you were the hero.” Obi-Wan insisted. “And you deserve your glorious day with the politicians.” He smiled at his friend. 

“But the darkness got a hold of him and soon he lost those things he held dear.” Han Solo’s voice said. 

“Don’t you turn against me.” Ben heard and he saw Anakin and Padme facing each other on a volcanic planet, but this time Anakin looked different, darker, colder, very similar to the face Ben saw when he looked in the mirror. 

“I don’t know you anymore.” Padme cried. “Anakin, you’re breaking my heart, you’re going down a path I can’t follow.” 

“Because of Obi-Wan.” Anakin sneered. 

“Because of what you’ve done!” Padme screamed. “What you plan to do!” 

Ben noticed his grandfather glare into the ship, following his gaze he found Obi-Wan standing in the ship’s entrance. 

“Liar!” Anakin screamed. 

“No!” Padme cried looking between the two men. 

“You’re with him now, you brought him here to kill me!” Anakin screamed as he began to Force choke Padme. 

“No!” Ben called out being reminded of the night at the temple. 

The scene changed again this time Ben found his grandfather lying near a river of lava and Obi-Wan standing above him. 

“You were the chosen one!” Obi-Wan screamed. “It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them. Bring balance to the Force not leave it in darkness.” 

Obi-Wan began to walk away. 

“I hate you!” Anakin screamed as he slowly began sliding closer to the lava. 

Obi-Wan turned back looking sadly at his friend. 

“You were my brother Anakin! I loved you.” Obi-Wan cried. 

Ben watched as his grandfather’s body slowly caught fire. 

Turning away, the scene faded once more. 

“Why are you showing me this?” Ben pleaded. 

“Because even after all of the death and turmoil your grandfather caused, in the end he saved everyone.” 

Ben could hear screaming and he turned to see Luke on the ground lightning bolts hitting him causing his body to contort with pain. 

A twinge of anger washed through him as Ben saw the man he trusted who he believed had betrayed him. He then looked over to see Darth Vader standing next to the Emperor. All of a sudden Darth Vader grabbed the Emperor lifting him off the ground, allowing all the energy that had been directed at Luke to transfer to him as he through the Emperor over the edge sending him to his death. 

Collapsing to the ground Darth Vader watched as his master fell. 

The scene changed once more this time it was just Luke and Vader. 

“Luke, help me take this mask off.” Vader pleaded. 

“But you’ll die?” Luke said. 

“Nothing can stop that now, just for once let me look on you with my own eyes.” 

Ben watched as the man he had prided himself in being like faded away and he saw Vader for who he truly was. Burns covered his face, his eyes were swollen and his mouth could barely move to smile when he looked at his son. 

“Now go my son.” Anakin said straining to talk. “Leave me.” 

“No!” Luke said. “You’re coming with me. I’m not leaving you here, I’ve got to save you.” 

“You already have Luke,” Anakin said weakly. “You were right, you were right about me. Tell your sister you were right.” 

“Father, I won’t leave you.” Luke pleaded but it was too late. Anakin Skywalker had died. 

A tear fell down Ben’s face as the scene faded and he found himself back on the bridge. Everything he had been told by Snoke had been a lie. 

“You see son, no one is beyond saving, you still have time, you still have time to change.” Han said. 

“How? What I have done, everything I have done, I can’t be forgiven.” Ben cried. 

Han sighed looking at his poor son knowing time was limited. 

“She will save you, just let her save you.” He said as he too faded away leaving young Ben in his room once more. 

Wiping his eyes Ben stood up turning towards his window. That’s when he saw a lone X-Wing. An X-Wing that Ben instantly recognized. 

“Poe,” He sighed. 

Ben watched as Poe worked on taking out the dreadnought cannons while the Finalizer worked on taking out the transport ships. Rage took over as Ben faded away making way for Kylo. 

“No don’t focus on the ships. Focus on that X-Wing!” Kylo growled knowing what Poe’s plan was. “Don’t be stupid Hux.” And just like that he watched as Poe Dameron led his fleet to the slaughter but brought down a dreadnought. 

Kylo growled angrily as he rolled his eyes. Once again Hux’s stupidity had let the Resistance get away. 

“Come to me, now!” Snoke growled in Kylo’s head. Sighed Kylo grabbed his mask and hsi cape putting them on as he headed towards Snoke. 

Getting in the elevator he couldn’t forget what he had seen, but he knew for his own safety he had to push his feelings and the images away. 

As the elevator doors opened Kylo could hear Snoke’s menacing laughter. 

“Tied on a string indeed, General Hux well done. The Resistance will soon be in our grasp.” Snoke smiled. 

“Thank you Supreme Leader.” Hux said as he turned to walk towards the elevator when he saw Kylo he smiled rubbing in the fact that Snoke was proud of him. Kylo quickly responded by making Hux trip causing him to fall into the elevator. 

“You wonder why I keep Armitage in such a place of power. A Kars weakness properly manipulated can be a sharp tool.” Snoke said as Kylo kneeled before him. “How’s your wound?” He asked. 

Kylo continued to look at the ground as he spoke. 

“It’s nothing.” He responded. 

“The mighty Kylo Ren, when I found you, I saw what all masters wish to see, raw untamed power and beyond that something truly special. The potential of your bloodline. A new Vader.” Snoke sneered causing Kylo to grit his teeth. “Now I fear I was mistaken.” 

Kylo looked up at his master. What Snoke couldn’t see was the look of hurt in Kylo’s eyes. He had disappointed Snoke once again. 

“I’ve given everything I have to you.” Kylo spat trying to keep his emotions at bay. “To the dark side.” 

“Take that ridiculous thing off.” Snoke snapped. 

Kylo looked as his master again the hurt sinking even more in as he slowly took his mask off. 

“Yes, there it is, you have too much of your father’s heart in you young Solo.” 

“I killed Han Solo, when the moment came I didn’t hesitate.” Kylo snapped. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, after everything he had sacrificed, he still wasn’t good enough. 

“And look at you, the deed split your spirit to the bone. You were unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber. You failed!” Snoke screamed finally pushing Kylo far enough where he stood up ready to fight Snoke. 

Snoke quickly retaliated by blasting him with lightning bolts sending him flying backwards. 

Kylo crashed to the ground slowly getting back up as he glared at Snoke. 

“Skywalker lives, the seed of the Jedi Order lives, as long as it does, hope lives in the galaxy. I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Alas your no Vader, you’re just a child in a mask.” 

The sting in that statement dug into Kylo like a blade. 

“Leave,” Snoke commanded and Kylo stormed out and into the elevator. 

As he stood helmet it hand he felt the hurt turn to rage again. The rage festered and built up so much that it needed and outlet and Kylo began slamming the helmet into the side of the elevator sending glass shards shattering everywhere. 

When  the elevators doors opened Kylo dropped the shattered remains of the mask yelling at the two people who had the unfortunate luck of running into him. 

“Prepare my ship!” He yelled as he stormed down the hallway. 

He would prove himself to Snoke, to everyone, he would prove that he wasn’t a child in a mask. 

As soon as he got in his Tie Silencer he flew off right towards the biggest Resistance transport ships. Upon reaching it he flew straight for their loading docks shooting at it causing many of their X-Wings to blow up. Moving one he headed towards the bridge. His finger made its way to the trigger when suddenly he felt his mother’s presence. 

He could feel her gazing at him. She wasn’t disappointed or angry, mostly she was just sad. He felt her grief. But also he felt her hope. Hope that one day her son would return to her. 

Kylo hesitated. 

“Just do it, just fucking do it.” Kylo thought, this would prove himself to Snoke. 

“Language Benjamin.” He heard his mother say to him causing him to smirk slightly moving his finger away from the trigger. 

He only had a moment to breath before another Tie Fighter came and blew up the bridge. Pain ran through Kylo as the energy of his mother disappeared. 

He closed his eyes taking a moment before he quickly began to fly back to the Finalizer. 

All the rage had melted away as he had barely had even stopped his Tie Silencer before he hopped out storming towards his room. 

Everyone he cared about was now dead, he was now completely and utterly alone. He couldn’t stop thinking about the last thought he had seen from his mother. Her hope for him. 

“No one is beyond saving.” He thought about what his father had said. But now who would save him. His mother was dead. His father was dead. The girl who he had loved, dead. 

Kylo made his way towards his room. He needed the solitude. 

“Master Ren, Hux needs to see you…” A stormtrooper started but Kylo threw him into a wall. 

“Tell him I will see him when I want to!” Kylo screamed entering his room. 

However he skidded to a stop when he saw a long hair women staring out his window. 

Quickly he threw his hand out to grab his saber. However, his old saber from his training days with Luke flew to him instead. 

“What?” He gasped out loud. 

The women at the window turned around causing Kylo to drop his lightsaber. 

“Hi Ben,” Y/N smiled. 


End file.
